Change

Every change starts from within. No matter how small it could be. So how did I start to turn my life upside down? It wasn’t really a conscious process. My body helped me in a way, cause many things I actually didn’t like doing, became physically unbearable for me. Like sitting. I guess it was an inner decision I took, that manifested itself externally.

So you want to start something new, but you have no idea how, cause you have been doing all your life the same thing. It’s nothing you can plan, not a goal you actually set and then put effort in it. It has to evolve naturally, often we can already feel it, before anything starts to happen.

Going to Israel was easy because it was my personal fulfillment. When you do something you really love, you are willing to take all the hardships. I was able to build great connections and to grow. But then there will be a point, when you will be confronted with what you have left behind. You will face a reality you had already outgrown before you even left. And it will be not necessarily a pleasure to set your boundaries, but it will be an absolute necessity in order to move on. You cannot say yes to yourself, unless you start saying no to others. And after a year full of yeses, now came the time of nos.

But what happened after my big journey? Did everything around me change? Did everything in the end turn out well? As I came back to Poland and decided to stay in Kraków, not knowing the city and rather for strategic reasons, I immediately took care of my connections. I found a place to stay and instantly met some persons that would become crucial for me. Having this set up, I started looking for an occupation.

This was the only difficult part. Well actually it wasn’t, because I – already before even coming here – had said that I will work in language schools and a museum. But then somehow when things didn’t work out immediately, I was tempted to go back to what I knew, a monthly income. Thank God the offers were so bad, that I couldn’t agree on any of them. So I kept saying no and did some trainings in two museums.

This opened me up again, especially the museum for contemporary art. I felt open, free, and excited about this world of its own. And then I realized I am not going back to any office hell! Even if this should mean being restricted financially for a while. People ask me if I cope financially. No. They also ask me if I have savings from TLV 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 They clearly haven’t been there yet.

Change and starting something from scratch will demand sacrifice. This is nothing but a transition period. This is not where you gonna end up. And here it is important to have at least 2-3 real friends who will believe in you and build you up. This is also something I learned. Anybody who doesn’t contribute positively to your life, will have to go. It may seem harsh, but you cannot focuss on your goals, when you have to convince people standing next to you, doubting and criticising constantly. Moving to another country is anyway the best way to see who your real friends are.

So now that I had installed myself in Kraków, I realized that I won’t be able to fulfill my initial plans here. I won’t be able to convert and I won’t be supporting any business here. This I am now clear about. So is there a reason to stay? “Life is a bridge, don’t build a home on it.” Kraków seems to be more of a train station for me, where I meet different kind of people and where I acquire new skills that will prepare me for my further journey.

My destination is clear. But something made me change my approach, my perspective on things. I left because I wanted a certain kind of lifestyle. And now that I found the perfect place for me, I want to go back. But it’s not only about having a certain kind of lifestyle anymore. And also not about doing anything possible to get back there. It’s about having a life I will love, just like I love Israel, with all the pros and cons. So creating a life I will love is nothing I will find there, it’s something I need to do in order to get there.

I don’t want a life I will have to escape from. I don’t want to do something I don’t love doing. And I don’t want to waste my life with people who are not at least “Marrocan” crazy about me. 😉 So having all this on my plate, I still was not able to see the dish life was about to serve me. And people who know me well, know how unbearable standstill is for me. I constantly hear myself yelling: “Yalla, Yalla!” Cause everything here is so slow and I constantly have to lower my voice and to reduce my pace.

Eventually life surprised me. A good friend told me that teaching is more important for the teacher than for the student. And I was able to experience this throughout the whole year. When you start talking to people, you will learn to listen. You will be patient and attentive, while you will be given access to the biggest variety of life experiences you can imagine. I met so many people who are just like me, curious about the world and the possibilities it offers you, willing to take risks and initiate changes. Talking about mistakes they made and decisions they took, about their biggest dreams and failures.

Now that I am not only teaching languages, but also learning a new language myself, I felt again how much I LOVE to learn new things, how easy and satisfying this process is to me, and how much peace and contentment I feel after giving a lesson with this awareness. And suddenly all comes together. It clicks and you realize there is nothing more to be done. Because everything is already there.

My goal for 2019 is set. Call it a coincidence, but in my happiest moments 2018 I was wearing a bikini or even less. I realized that clothes are in my way to happiness. I want to spend 2019 in a bikini. 👙👣🌴