Tag: mindfulness

Becoming the Natural Woman: The Ultimate Rebellion in a Performative World

Not long ago, women were expected to fulfill rigid standards of being a “good” woman: dutiful wife, devoted mother, obedient daughter. In a world where societal norms and others’ opinions defined a woman’s worth, conforming felt like the most natural thing. After all, society survives through sameness, through people fitting into roles.

Today, we’re lucky to live in different times. We can choose how we dress, who we love, how we earn, and how we live. Life has opened up spaces that used to be off-limits to women. The once “normed” woman has become the modern woman, one who, paradoxically, is now expected to handle even more, aided by technology and pressure alike.

Yes, we have choices now. But does that mean life has actually become easier? I asked myself this often while still living what I now call a “male lifestyle.” What did emancipation really give us if we just moved from one box: home and children, into another: career and constant striving? Both still ask us to adjust, to perform, to play by rules we didn’t write.

I was around 32 when I reached a big career milestone. I got the promotion I had worked so hard for, and I was surprised by how little it meant. No joy, no lasting fulfillment, just the quiet realization that I had become hard, assertive, and goal-driven. I had shaped myself around women who prioritized success over softness, and I realized the image I had built of myself was no longer mine. It was painted in someone else’s colors.

I knew I needed to change. But where do you start when your whole life has been shaped by ideals that don’t resonate anymore? By chance, I watched a TV program about a woman in Russia who was teaching women how to reclaim their femininity. These were successful, strong women, just like me, who had lost their softness. And I thought, I want that too. I had buried my feminine side for years, and suddenly, I was ready to let her back in.

That turning point came as I moved back to my home country, Poland, where traditional gender roles were still more visible. It was easier there to tap into my feminine energy. But femininity isn’t about how you look, it’s about how you are. It’s about slowing down, softening, being. Letting others play a role in your life without assigning every part. It’s about letting go of control and learning to trust your own rhythm: your intuition, your feelings, your heart.

I started building my life around meaningful relationships instead of strategic ones. My interest in people deepened, and with it, my emotional capacity. I noticed I was moving away from people who only liked me when I was convenient, but shied away from my emotional depth. I started listening to my own natural rhythm and diving into my creative nature. I began hearing that small voice inside, the one I had ignored for so long. And I became louder, less filtered, less polished. I felt more like me.

I spent most of my 30s living in this feminine space, and in that time, I did things I can barely believe now. Why? Because I trusted life. I surrendered. I let my intuition lead. I walked away from artificial control (like birth control) and returned to the cyclical, raw rhythm of my body. I learned how to ride emotional waves instead of fearing them. Reclaiming my wild feminine nature was the most loving thing I could do for myself.

Looking back, that phase of my life was about becoming the woman I was always meant to be. It was about healing, maturing, rediscovering my essence, and finally letting go of being the “good girl.” When a woman speaks her truth, she becomes a threat to those who don’t. Reclaiming my power and stepping away from the comfort of other people’s expectations came with a cost. But when external validation stops mattering and you let your true voice take the lead, you understand something profound:

Being liked is optional.
Being valued is everything.

In a world where everyone wants to go viral, I chose to be real.

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How to Get Into the Habit of Just Doing It

The world is divided into thinkers and doers—and only about 20% of people are truly doers. Shocking, right? But that’s not the focus of this article.

Rather, this is about learning how to face challenges and move forward into unfamiliar territory. What happens when our routine is disrupted? When we’re pushed beyond the familiar and into unfamiliar territory? This matters now more than ever. In today’s rapidly changing world, losing a job can mean losing your professional identity—and being forced to reinvent yourself entirely.

Last year, I met someone who had just lost his job after 26 years. He was in his mid-50s and completely adrift. While spending time with him, I often heard him say, “I have no idea what I’ll be doing. I have no clue what I could do. I don’t know how this will end.” It became a sort of mantra, and all I could think was: This poor man—his mind won’t stop reminding him that he hasn’t even begun to figure things out.

What Happens After Loss

After any major life change, the first instinct is to assess your situation. Even if you welcomed the change, there comes a moment when your thoughts pull you inward. Suddenly, a reel of worst-case scenarios starts playing in your head. That voice? It’s your ego—trying to protect you by keeping you in your comfort zone, using fear as its tool.

Why the Mind Gets in the Way

You can’t discover new paths with old thinking. Most of your thoughts aren’t even original; they’re borrowed—recycled ideas picked up over time. When we face the unknown without an open heart, anxiety and fear rush in. Unfortunately, once your mental carousel starts spinning, it’s tough to slow it down and regain a sense of possibility.

But the ego isn’t all bad—it can also serve a purpose. It forces you to focus inward. In times of uncertainty, it’s important not to dismiss or suppress discomfort. Instead, sit with it. Acknowledge it. Reconnect with your goals and values, and then choose your new direction. I went through this myself last year while transitioning into a new career. It felt like I was wasting time, stuck in limbo. But I learned that creating a path is not the same as walking it.

Why Action Is Everything

My love-hate hobby is sewing. Why? Because, as a covert perfectionist, it challenges me to take action without having everything figured out in advance—and to learn by making mistakes. That’s what sewing is all about: doing, adjusting, and continuing. It’s uncomfortable because, as adults, we carry different expectations. We plan more. We’re more cautious. Somewhere along the way, we lost the freedom to not know—and just figure things out.

When I quit jobs or moved countries, people would ask, “What are you going to do there?” My answer was always, “How could I know? I’m not there yet.” We crave control and certainty—but they’re illusions.

To Move Forward, We Must Look Back

In today’s world, adaptability is one of the most valuable skills. Living through constant change demands the ability to figure things out. We must be willing to fail fast, learn quickly, and stay open to unexpected opportunities that may better align with our goals and values.

So why does it feel so uncomfortable?

Because following your own path is slower. It’s not the fast lane—it’s the pathless path. When you tune in to your inner compass, you won’t keep pace with the crowd. You’ll be carving your own way, step by step. That discomfort you feel? It’s the feeling of expanding beyond your comfort zone. What did you expect? If it feels uncomfortable, you’re probably on the right track.

Final Thoughts: Just Start Doing

Leaning into the unknown will never feel easy. The lack of certainty breeds anxiety, and your mind will scramble for answers. But the moment you stop overthinking and start doing—even clumsily—that’s when growth begins. One imperfect step at a time.

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Why We Reach Material Goals Faster, but Thrive Deeply in Our Ego-Free Era

Now that I am officially middle-aged, I have witnessed profound changes in the second half of my life. In my 20s, I was always on the move, surrounded by a bustling crowd and focused on external appearances. Today, I prefer moving slowly and intentionally, choosing my company wisely. Instead of worrying about how others perceive me, I now turn inward, finding validation within rather than from the outside world.

One of the most striking changes is how I achieve my goals. In my youth, my wishlist was filled with tangible desires: a great body, a fast car, a well-paid job. These goals were clearly defined and felt attainable because so many had followed similar paths before me. I simply had to mimic the steps of those who came before.

As time went on, my aspirations became more abstract. Concepts like freedom, success, and happiness are common, yet each of us defines them in our own unique way. For one person, freedom might mean the ability to travel whenever the mood strikes, while for another, it means having the time to organize everyday life on one’s own terms. Similarly, success can be both an internal feeling of fulfillment or an external sign of achievement, like a flourishing career or a loving family.

Happiness, too, is deeply personal. Some thrive in community, surrounded by people, while others find absolute fulfilment in solitary pursuits – whether that’s conquering Mount Everest or living a minimalist life true to their values. Happiness isn’t something handed to us; it’s something we create through our life experiences. Perhaps that’s one of life’s greatest challenges – not just overcoming difficulties, but discovering and nurturing our own unique bliss.

So, why do people achieve material goals faster? It’s simply the way life is structured. Our hierarchy of needs targets the physical realm first, pushing us to obtain the tangible things we think we desire. Yet, if these aspirations are largely influenced by external messages, such as advertisements, they may not truly originate from our inner selves. Achieving these general goals rarely brings long-term satisfaction.

Building a life based on inner values and personal wishes, however, takes longer. These goals are not prepackaged for us; they are abstract and often remain undefined until we embark on our own inner journey of discovery. Unlike the clear, copy-paste paths of youth, this process is about creating something uniquely your own – guided by personal values, preferences, and the courage to forge a path that is distinctly yours.

In my ego-free era, I no longer focus on external markers of success. My attention is solely on how my life, circumstances, and relationships make me feel. When I set a goal, I start by cultivating it internally. I feel it, imagine it, and even sit with its absence until I gradually build it from within. For me, nothing in the external world is fully realized until it’s first made real on the inside.

This inner work is like crafting bread: you need a recipe, the right ingredients, an understanding of the process, and the patience to let the dough rise in the perfect environment. In the second half of life, we become our own ingredients, trusting both the process and our inner guidance. The results can be inspirational – not because they follow a formula, but because each outcome is as unique as the person who created it.

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Why Working on Yourself Pays Off More Than Just Working on Your Job

When we start our careers, we throw ourselves into the work, eager to prove our worth. We’re not just building skills – we’re shaping our professional identity, figuring out how we fit into the working world. At this stage, our success often depends on external validation: the recognition of managers, colleagues, and the industry itself.

At this point, we might find ourselves in one of two situations. If we’re lucky, we’ll have a supervisor who genuinely wants us to succeed, someone who shares knowledge, encourages growth, and helps us navigate the complexities of professional life. But we might also encounter a different kind of leader – one who believes in tough love, who withholds guidance because “nobody helped them” either. In this case, we’ll be forced to learn the hard way, dealing with difficult personalities and workplace challenges sooner than we’d like.

In these moments, our instinct tells us to double down on effort, to work harder, believing that proving our competence will make things better. But here’s the reality: the issue isn’t the person making our life difficult. The issue is our lack of experience in handling such situations. Because no matter where we go, both the supportive and the challenging people will always exist in our careers.

The key isn’t just to work harder – it’s to work on yourself.

The Shift: From External Validation to Inner Strength

As we grow, we start to see that external circumstances don’t determine our success – our ability to navigate them does. The moment we invest in building confidence, setting boundaries, and staying grounded, everything shifts.

First, we stop attracting toxic environments as often. People who once took advantage of our inexperience or insecurity no longer find an easy target. And second, when we do encounter difficult situations, they no longer shake us. Instead of reacting emotionally or overworking ourselves to prove a point, we handle them with clarity and control.

This ability – the strength to remain steady in any work environment – comes from self-worth. And self-worth isn’t just about how we feel at work. It touches every part of our lives.

The Role of Self-Worth in Your Career and Beyond

Self-worth is like an internal compass that influences everything – work, relationships, finances, health, and personal happiness. When we first enter the workforce, we rely on others to determine our value. We look to our managers for feedback, our colleagues for approval, and our company’s policies to define our professional worth. But as we gain experience, we begin to recognize our contributions, and with that recognition, we gain the power to define our own value.

This shift is crucial. Because no matter how good we are at our jobs, external factors are always changing. A company gets acquired, leadership shifts, or economic downturns force layoffs. What felt like a stable, rewarding job one day can become uncertain the next.

This is why tying our self-worth solely to our job performance is a risky strategy. We need to build our value internally – through personal growth, emotional resilience, and continuous learning – so that no external event can take it away.

The Real Work is Internal

One of the biggest misconceptions we grow up with is the belief that hard work alone guarantees success. We assume that if we do a great job, recognition, promotions, and security will follow. But the reality is, work is only a small part of the equation.

Success in any field is about much more than skill or effort. It’s about relationships, communication, problem-solving, and emotional intelligence. It’s about knowing how to navigate conflict, advocate for ourselves, and collaborate with people from different backgrounds and perspectives.

Yet, these skills aren’t something we’re explicitly taught. We learn them through experience, often the hard way. And this internal work – the process of understanding ourselves, managing our emotions, and refining our interactions with others – is far more challenging than any technical skill we could master.

I’ve never met a person who was hard on others but kind to themselves. And I’ve never met a truly happy person who made others feel miserable. How we treat others is often a reflection of our internal state. When we feel insecure, we project that onto the world. When we lack self-love, we see threats everywhere. And when we don’t trust ourselves, we assume others are working against us.

The Takeaway: Invest Where It Matters

We spend eight hours a day at work – but we spend 24 hours a day with ourselves. Both environments should feel safe. Both should be places where we feel valued and at ease.

The good news? The job you were hired for – you already have the skills. But the real work, the work that will make the biggest difference in your career and life, is the work you do on yourself.

Because when you build a strong foundation of confidence, self-respect, and adaptability, no job title, no company policy, and no difficult manager can take that away from you.

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