Tag: mental-health

How to Get Into the Habit of Just Doing It

The world is divided into thinkers and doers—and only about 20% of people are truly doers. Shocking, right? But that’s not the focus of this article.

Rather, this is about learning how to face challenges and move forward into unfamiliar territory. What happens when our routine is disrupted? When we’re pushed beyond the familiar and into unfamiliar territory? This matters now more than ever. In today’s rapidly changing world, losing a job can mean losing your professional identity—and being forced to reinvent yourself entirely.

Last year, I met someone who had just lost his job after 26 years. He was in his mid-50s and completely adrift. While spending time with him, I often heard him say, “I have no idea what I’ll be doing. I have no clue what I could do. I don’t know how this will end.” It became a sort of mantra, and all I could think was: This poor man—his mind won’t stop reminding him that he hasn’t even begun to figure things out.

What Happens After Loss

After any major life change, the first instinct is to assess your situation. Even if you welcomed the change, there comes a moment when your thoughts pull you inward. Suddenly, a reel of worst-case scenarios starts playing in your head. That voice? It’s your ego—trying to protect you by keeping you in your comfort zone, using fear as its tool.

Why the Mind Gets in the Way

You can’t discover new paths with old thinking. Most of your thoughts aren’t even original; they’re borrowed—recycled ideas picked up over time. When we face the unknown without an open heart, anxiety and fear rush in. Unfortunately, once your mental carousel starts spinning, it’s tough to slow it down and regain a sense of possibility.

But the ego isn’t all bad—it can also serve a purpose. It forces you to focus inward. In times of uncertainty, it’s important not to dismiss or suppress discomfort. Instead, sit with it. Acknowledge it. Reconnect with your goals and values, and then choose your new direction. I went through this myself last year while transitioning into a new career. It felt like I was wasting time, stuck in limbo. But I learned that creating a path is not the same as walking it.

Why Action Is Everything

My love-hate hobby is sewing. Why? Because, as a covert perfectionist, it challenges me to take action without having everything figured out in advance—and to learn by making mistakes. That’s what sewing is all about: doing, adjusting, and continuing. It’s uncomfortable because, as adults, we carry different expectations. We plan more. We’re more cautious. Somewhere along the way, we lost the freedom to not know—and just figure things out.

When I quit jobs or moved countries, people would ask, “What are you going to do there?” My answer was always, “How could I know? I’m not there yet.” We crave control and certainty—but they’re illusions.

To Move Forward, We Must Look Back

In today’s world, adaptability is one of the most valuable skills. Living through constant change demands the ability to figure things out. We must be willing to fail fast, learn quickly, and stay open to unexpected opportunities that may better align with our goals and values.

So why does it feel so uncomfortable?

Because following your own path is slower. It’s not the fast lane—it’s the pathless path. When you tune in to your inner compass, you won’t keep pace with the crowd. You’ll be carving your own way, step by step. That discomfort you feel? It’s the feeling of expanding beyond your comfort zone. What did you expect? If it feels uncomfortable, you’re probably on the right track.

Final Thoughts: Just Start Doing

Leaning into the unknown will never feel easy. The lack of certainty breeds anxiety, and your mind will scramble for answers. But the moment you stop overthinking and start doing—even clumsily—that’s when growth begins. One imperfect step at a time.

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Why We Reach Material Goals Faster, but Thrive Deeply in Our Ego-Free Era

Now that I am officially middle-aged, I have witnessed profound changes in the second half of my life. In my 20s, I was always on the move, surrounded by a bustling crowd and focused on external appearances. Today, I prefer moving slowly and intentionally, choosing my company wisely. Instead of worrying about how others perceive me, I now turn inward, finding validation within rather than from the outside world.

One of the most striking changes is how I achieve my goals. In my youth, my wishlist was filled with tangible desires: a great body, a fast car, a well-paid job. These goals were clearly defined and felt attainable because so many had followed similar paths before me. I simply had to mimic the steps of those who came before.

As time went on, my aspirations became more abstract. Concepts like freedom, success, and happiness are common, yet each of us defines them in our own unique way. For one person, freedom might mean the ability to travel whenever the mood strikes, while for another, it means having the time to organize everyday life on one’s own terms. Similarly, success can be both an internal feeling of fulfillment or an external sign of achievement, like a flourishing career or a loving family.

Happiness, too, is deeply personal. Some thrive in community, surrounded by people, while others find absolute fulfilment in solitary pursuits – whether that’s conquering Mount Everest or living a minimalist life true to their values. Happiness isn’t something handed to us; it’s something we create through our life experiences. Perhaps that’s one of life’s greatest challenges – not just overcoming difficulties, but discovering and nurturing our own unique bliss.

So, why do people achieve material goals faster? It’s simply the way life is structured. Our hierarchy of needs targets the physical realm first, pushing us to obtain the tangible things we think we desire. Yet, if these aspirations are largely influenced by external messages, such as advertisements, they may not truly originate from our inner selves. Achieving these general goals rarely brings long-term satisfaction.

Building a life based on inner values and personal wishes, however, takes longer. These goals are not prepackaged for us; they are abstract and often remain undefined until we embark on our own inner journey of discovery. Unlike the clear, copy-paste paths of youth, this process is about creating something uniquely your own – guided by personal values, preferences, and the courage to forge a path that is distinctly yours.

In my ego-free era, I no longer focus on external markers of success. My attention is solely on how my life, circumstances, and relationships make me feel. When I set a goal, I start by cultivating it internally. I feel it, imagine it, and even sit with its absence until I gradually build it from within. For me, nothing in the external world is fully realized until it’s first made real on the inside.

This inner work is like crafting bread: you need a recipe, the right ingredients, an understanding of the process, and the patience to let the dough rise in the perfect environment. In the second half of life, we become our own ingredients, trusting both the process and our inner guidance. The results can be inspirational – not because they follow a formula, but because each outcome is as unique as the person who created it.

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The Price of Consumption and Worth of Creation

Why Getting What You Want Makes You Happy for 5 Minutes, but Creating Something Lasts

Consumption is detrimental to us in ways we rarely stop to consider. It numbs us, distracts us, and keeps us from what we truly want to do in life. Having lived in Western Europe most of my life, I never questioned why I always felt the need for more – more things, more experiences, more external validation. I was trapped in affluence, yet something was always missing.

I eventually left Western Europe in search of a more minimalistic and meaningful life. I let go of the constant pursuit of consumption, security, and status, and instead embraced a lifestyle aligned with my values and inner compass. My goal was to build a life I didn’t need to escape from, where activity and creation played a central role. Instead of chasing external factors and conforming to group dynamics, I wanted to follow the flow of life and reconnect with nature.

Moving to Poland was eye-opening, though not without resistance and criticism. Here, life felt more natural, more centered around family. I realized that not every external need had to be satisfied. Life happened in the safe space of the family, where not everything on the outside required a response. There was a sense of contentment that didn’t rely on constant consumption.

Years ago, I read a book by Osho in which he explored why the Western world struggles with mental health issues. He pointed out that people in the West often lack real challenges. Our minds are designed to solve problems, to face difficulties and overcome them. When these challenges do not exist on a material level, we create problems just to have something to solve.

In contrast, in many Eastern cultures, people often have little materially but everything to hope for. I especially noticed this while living in Israel, where life is undeniably difficult, yet there is a deep sense of connection and shared experience. I have never met as many creators as I did there – people who not only engage in artistic expression but also create for themselves and for others on a daily basis.

How Creation and Consumption Have Shifted Over the Last 50 Years

The balance between creation and consumption has changed dramatically over the last five decades, driven by technological advancements, economic shifts, and evolving cultural norms.

1970s–1980s: Creation in the Physical World

People engaged more in hands-on activities, building, crafting, and embracing a strong DIY culture. Home cooking, repairing items, and making music or art were integral to everyday life rather than occasional hobbies. Media consumption was limited to television, radio, and books, with fewer choices but deeper engagement.

1990s–2000s: The Rise of Mass Consumerism and Digital Consumption

Globalization made mass-produced goods more accessible, accelerating consumer culture. Cable TV, video games, and later the internet introduced 24/7 entertainment, increasing passive consumption. Creative outlets like photography and music became digitized but were still largely controlled by professionals.

2010s: The Social Media Boom and Passive Creation

Platforms like YouTube, Instagram, and TikTok gave individuals the ability to create, but much of this “creation” became tied to algorithms and external validation. Streaming services and social media made consumption hyper-personalized and addictive, shifting focus from deep engagement to endless scrolling. DIY culture resurfaced with platforms like Etsy, but mass consumer culture still dominated.

2020s: AI, Automation, and the Consumption Overload

AI-generated content, automation, and recommendation algorithms have made passive consumption effortless and overwhelming. Many people consume far more than they create, with shorter attention spans and a focus on instant gratification. The digital economy has made true creativity harder, as most content is optimized for virality rather than depth.

Where Are We Headed?

The challenge now is finding balance – leveraging technology for meaningful creation rather than being trapped in passive consumption cycles. There is a growing movement of people rejecting overconsumption in favor of craftsmanship, long-form content, and intentional living.

Scientific studies have shown that people who engage in physical work and express their creativity experience greater happiness than those who primarily consume. It is concerning that we now need to take deliberate breaks from the online world to reconnect with reality. The fact that we must escape into the real world rather than naturally live in it is alarming.

In my own life, my job requires a lot of analytical thinking and structure, which brings me into my masculine energy. To balance this, I turn to dance, writing, sewing, and cooking – practical activities that not only make me feel good but also result in tangible, meaningful outcomes.

Each expression of life is a creation. The more we embrace it, the less we need to consume.

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Why Working on Yourself Pays Off More Than Just Working on Your Job

When we start our careers, we throw ourselves into the work, eager to prove our worth. We’re not just building skills – we’re shaping our professional identity, figuring out how we fit into the working world. At this stage, our success often depends on external validation: the recognition of managers, colleagues, and the industry itself.

At this point, we might find ourselves in one of two situations. If we’re lucky, we’ll have a supervisor who genuinely wants us to succeed, someone who shares knowledge, encourages growth, and helps us navigate the complexities of professional life. But we might also encounter a different kind of leader – one who believes in tough love, who withholds guidance because “nobody helped them” either. In this case, we’ll be forced to learn the hard way, dealing with difficult personalities and workplace challenges sooner than we’d like.

In these moments, our instinct tells us to double down on effort, to work harder, believing that proving our competence will make things better. But here’s the reality: the issue isn’t the person making our life difficult. The issue is our lack of experience in handling such situations. Because no matter where we go, both the supportive and the challenging people will always exist in our careers.

The key isn’t just to work harder – it’s to work on yourself.

The Shift: From External Validation to Inner Strength

As we grow, we start to see that external circumstances don’t determine our success – our ability to navigate them does. The moment we invest in building confidence, setting boundaries, and staying grounded, everything shifts.

First, we stop attracting toxic environments as often. People who once took advantage of our inexperience or insecurity no longer find an easy target. And second, when we do encounter difficult situations, they no longer shake us. Instead of reacting emotionally or overworking ourselves to prove a point, we handle them with clarity and control.

This ability – the strength to remain steady in any work environment – comes from self-worth. And self-worth isn’t just about how we feel at work. It touches every part of our lives.

The Role of Self-Worth in Your Career and Beyond

Self-worth is like an internal compass that influences everything – work, relationships, finances, health, and personal happiness. When we first enter the workforce, we rely on others to determine our value. We look to our managers for feedback, our colleagues for approval, and our company’s policies to define our professional worth. But as we gain experience, we begin to recognize our contributions, and with that recognition, we gain the power to define our own value.

This shift is crucial. Because no matter how good we are at our jobs, external factors are always changing. A company gets acquired, leadership shifts, or economic downturns force layoffs. What felt like a stable, rewarding job one day can become uncertain the next.

This is why tying our self-worth solely to our job performance is a risky strategy. We need to build our value internally – through personal growth, emotional resilience, and continuous learning – so that no external event can take it away.

The Real Work is Internal

One of the biggest misconceptions we grow up with is the belief that hard work alone guarantees success. We assume that if we do a great job, recognition, promotions, and security will follow. But the reality is, work is only a small part of the equation.

Success in any field is about much more than skill or effort. It’s about relationships, communication, problem-solving, and emotional intelligence. It’s about knowing how to navigate conflict, advocate for ourselves, and collaborate with people from different backgrounds and perspectives.

Yet, these skills aren’t something we’re explicitly taught. We learn them through experience, often the hard way. And this internal work – the process of understanding ourselves, managing our emotions, and refining our interactions with others – is far more challenging than any technical skill we could master.

I’ve never met a person who was hard on others but kind to themselves. And I’ve never met a truly happy person who made others feel miserable. How we treat others is often a reflection of our internal state. When we feel insecure, we project that onto the world. When we lack self-love, we see threats everywhere. And when we don’t trust ourselves, we assume others are working against us.

The Takeaway: Invest Where It Matters

We spend eight hours a day at work – but we spend 24 hours a day with ourselves. Both environments should feel safe. Both should be places where we feel valued and at ease.

The good news? The job you were hired for – you already have the skills. But the real work, the work that will make the biggest difference in your career and life, is the work you do on yourself.

Because when you build a strong foundation of confidence, self-respect, and adaptability, no job title, no company policy, and no difficult manager can take that away from you.

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What the Lady in Pakistan is Teaching Us

Redefining Boundaries: The Art of Saying No Without Guilt

Our world is built on boundaries. Political, religious, ideological – lines drawn, respected, and sometimes fiercely defended. Yet, when it comes to personal boundaries, why does it feel like an uphill battle? A boundary isn’t just about how we feel in a certain situation; it’s about how we define our limits with the world around us.

Most of us were never taught how to set boundaries. Saying “no” was met with guilt, rejection, or shame. We learned to avoid confrontation, to soften our stance, to find polite excuses rather than assert our limits. The fear of an adverse reaction keeps us trapped in patterns of accommodation. Instead of defining our space, we choose the path of least resistance – silence, avoidance, self-betrayal.

Recently, I heard a definition of boundaries that struck me: A boundary is set by communicating it, and the only thing the other person needs to do is accept it. In theory, this sounds simple. In reality, it’s the opposite. Since I moved away from the Europeean mainland, setting boundaries has become less of an act and more of a challenge – one that is constantly tested. I have countless examples of moments where I clearly expressed my limits, only to watch them be ignored, dismissed, or outright bulldozed.

In Germany, we have a saying: The wiser one gives way. A noble sentiment – until you realize what it really means. If the wise always step aside, who ends up running the world? The selfish. The ignorant. Those who push forward without regard for others, while the thoughtful and considerate continue making space.

I consider flexibility one of my greatest strengths. It allows me to blend into any environment without resistance. I don’t struggle with differences because I expect them. I accept people as they are, but that doesn’t mean I let them into my energy. Not if it doesn’t feel aligned.

Flexibility is a sign of mental health. But I refuse to twist myself to accommodate people who see only their own perspective. I love strong opinions. I have my own, and I don’t keep them to myself. But over time, I’ve learned to choose my battles. The truth is, most people struggle to accept even the smallest difference in perspective.

So how do we set boundaries in a world where insecurity and fragile egos dominate? In a time where even the mildest expression of truth can feel like an attack?

  1. Recognize that setting boundaries isn’t about others – it’s about us. It’s the point where we end and our environment begins.
  2. Understand that internal boundaries aren’t enough. We need to verbalize them, even in the smallest moments where it feels easier to let it slide.
  3. Accept that boundaries will upset people. Especially those who never learned to have them.

And this brings me to the American lady in Pakistan. She put herself in a desperate, seemingly hopeless situation. Setting aside any mental health concerns, what struck me was her ability to stand her ground. She was unwavering. Perhaps a bit delusional, but absolutely firm in what she would and would not allow. She accommodated no one.

I’d rather set my boundaries like her – boldly, unapologetically – than betray myself just to keep the peace.

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