This is going to be my month. Not only were friends coming to see me, I was also going back to Poland to renew my visa, and I was celebrating my first birthday in Israel.

The month started with the visit of my Finish Perkele Toulouse Erasmus friend Marika, whom I’ve known for 16 years now. This is madness!!

Although her arrival in Israel was somewhat more madness. I stayed up that night, cause she landed at midnight. Then she passed the border control, where she said that she is visiting me (bad karma), and after this she was taken to an interview waiting nightmare, cause apparently the flight from Finland was full with Russian women who didn’t speak English. So we were waiting, and waiting… and waiting for 7 fucking hours. My dear God. I wonder that she didn’t fly back in that time, but after she got her prostitute visa (just kidding), she was ready to discover the wonders of this country.

For me the Zitterpartie just started, cause I knew I am going back to Poland just a few days after her arrival and I knew that they will check on me. So when I was leaving the country I just got a different exit permit, but when I came back only 2,5 days later, they immediately took me to the waiting area.

You are sitting there and have no idea what will happen and how long it will take. And although you didn’t do anything wrong, you still feel like a criminal. To get rid of my nervousness I started talking to this Danish-Egyptian guy and was telling him of my time out, bringing my cat to Israel, and my hopefully last tourist visa to come. When I was called for my first interview, it actually ended within 30 seconds. Some easy questions and I had my next 90 days stay. But I also knew that this was the last one, that I don’t want to come back with such an insecure feeling anymore.

After my return I celebrated my 36th birthday. People who know me and my crazy party energy will be surprised that I wanted to keep it cosy and private this year. I wanted to sit with friends in a nice restaurant and this is exactly what happened. It was perfect.

Maybe also because I just feel right, at the right time, in the right place. The decision to follow my inner truth was taken already some years before, but just now I am able to enjoy the fruits of my hard inner work. Just now I feel what is right and what not for me, trust the flow of life, and believe that everything falls into place like it’s meant to be. I feel rich, rich in experience, rich in feelings, and rich in great people surrounding and uplifting me.

People are telling me that I made a bold decision to come here. It feels like light-years away already. I took many other decisions ever since, but the most important one was to open up, to heal myself from the disease they call here “being polish”, being cold and closed inside. My goal was not to gain a visa as most people would think. I came here to open up my heart, to break my isolation, and to let people into my life who will appreciate me and be willing to stay. And all this is about to happen. This is my personal truth about Israel. My inexhaustible love for Israel.

During this month also a friend’s friend was here. Diana, an amazing girl. Sweet, but tough and determined. We were spending a lot of time together and although we were strangers in the beginning, when she was leaving after two weeks it felt already like I am losing a friend. This is this place, everything is more intense.

After Diana’s return, a part of me came to Israel. My best friend in the world – I simply call her Janine. You need to know that Janine was with me in my darkest times and her place is the only home I can think of. She is fucking amazing. She has all the missing parts of me and what is best, loves and accepts me no matter what. She is the best person I know and she knows that my fountain of love will always flow for her.

Anyway, the day she landed we went to this awesome desert techno party. 😁 Before we went there, we already said that we are not willing to do any camping activities (keep that in mind). So going there we had a little bottle of Arak (best drink ever) on our way. It was our first desert party, so we brought lots of water and fruits, and basically that’s it.

Friends handed us some Zauberbrause that brought us in the right magical mood and Janine decided that it was the right time to have a massage. I focussed all my witchery on an object of love and fell for this guy, whose name I will never remember. This is not a joke. I was convinced I met the love of my life, we went up on this mountain, followed by a red cat, and I can hardly recall bits of our conversation. Wow I really didn’t like this Zauberbrause, cause the next day, all the Zauber was gone and I was so so sad about it.

Talking about the next day, I woke up in a tent on a matress next to the love of my life – Janine. Both hangover af, in the desert. I thought my friend was dying and told her everything will be better once she will drink the 1,5 l of water. I guess the first two hours after getting up I was still drunk. Then the hangover set in. Uff!

But honestly there are worse things than being hangover at a desert party sourrounded by beautiful people and amazing music. So we got back to life and left this amazing place with a great pass out camping experience.

June, I really loved you. You were the best month until now. I can only hope that August will top you.

Israel is celebrating 70 years of founding of their state. After all the memorial days we are now having a great time. Especially me (wait for it).

I just cannot wait to get into the crowds of dancing people. Especially because I love street parties. Ok, I love all kinds of parties, but open air is top. So my first station is the independence street party in the Carmel Market, next to my place.

A guy who looks like Jesus takes a video of an Israeli version of the red hot chili peppers. All I can see is curly long hair everywhere! Awesome!

Then I pass on to the hip hop stage, where I meet a hip hop DJ friend. I didn’t make it to any of his gigs, so it’s really cool to see him in action.

Finally, I go to Rothschild 55 where I lived during my first month in Tel-Aviv and meet friends. On my way there I pass a place, where my night is about to finish. At Rothschild I am at least supposed to meet friends. They are coming from Herzeliya (remember the city where I woke up on Purim?) and it takes aaaaaages.

After 30 minutes of waiting we all there and go to Guy’s party. It’s great to see everybody again, party with the Brazilian girls, and hang out with a cool beard. What I did not realize is, that I run out of INTERNET this night!!! So when my friends leave to go to Sputnik, I have no idea, that I will never see them again (at least this night). And also that they never went to Sputnik.

Me and the beard go to Sputnik after a while, just to realize that nobody is there. During that night about 10 people text me to join me, but nobody calls me. Arghhhh!!! I am isolated from my community and spend the night dancing in the streets. Which was quite cool actually.

Then I reach the point, where I start getting tired and what becomes more relevant hungry. So I head to this place in Allenby where I was seeing crowds workdays and I order kebab. People who know me from Berlin, know about my past as kebab queen. But here a new kebab story is about to be written.

Since I am glutenfree and cannot take the pita, and obviously I must look very hungry, they give me 6 kebab on a fucking kebab plate. Jesus! How should I eat this?! I really try to share my food, but nobody wants to help me. So I end up eating 6 kebab by myself and meeting a nice guy bye doing so.

We end up at the place I was passing, when going to Rothschild and I party on with all the happy kebabs in my belly. This is actually where my first night ends. I go to sleep.

The next day, my friend told me to be at 10:45 at the beach to see the flight show. Wow, this is more challenging than expected. So I fall out of bed, wash myself, but on jeans shorts, a shirt, flipflops, and sunglasses. So I actually leave like God created me.

On the beach, the guy from the kebab texts me and invites me to come to a hotel tower with a nice view. Kamuvan I expect him to be there with friends. Nope. It’s his whole family, friends, business partners. And then there is hangover unstyled me. This is a lesson to everyone!!! You can never overdress. Honestly, can you imagine how I feel?

Ok, to be honest, after the second cocktail I don’t care anymore. I watch this anniversary show with an amazing view, and am actually sad to leave to go on to the next bbq. The third cocktail kicks in, when I go to the bbq at our place. Ufffff…

After all kinds of grilled vegetables, meat (OMG they would put anything on the grill, liver, chicken hearts, no limits to your imagination), and after 2 or maybe three more vodka russian, I am drunk as fuck and head for my final destination: rooftop party at Rothschild. Let’s get loud!

This eve is more a dream sequence to me. I meet so many people I know and like, and I guess I am super loud and annoying. But only until I get the hoola hoop. Oh dear!

When you hoola hoop and it’s on video, I guess this is the point where you definitely lost control of your second independence day.

This night becomes the worst hangover night in the history of day drinking. Because it is just 11 pm when my drinking capacity crashes completely. It’s like an operation without fucking narcosis!! I am awake and can feel everything, I am dying, all night long.

Is this the end? Will I end up remembering my first independence day in Israel like this? Kamuvan ve lo. On Friday, I have lessons. I really do it. I talk to people after my near death experience. And then in the evening, the nice guy from the kebab takes me to the north. There is air, and nature, and the urgently needed detox for my body. I even eat this jemenish shabbat breakfast and don’t feel bad (since what is gluten, when you almost died?).

And what about the nice guy? He left for Bulgaria and I never saw him again.*

*This is not the true story, but it actually ends at this point.

What have I learned? I am about to make kebab great again, and kebab me as well (or at least parts of me), and you should not meet guys when you hungry! Also day drinking is for advanced users.

How exciting! My first seder was to come. My roommates were taking me to a traditional Pesach seder. I was warned that it would take hours to read the whole story of the liberation of the Israeli people from Egypt slavery, and that there will be a lot of interaction involved. I should not get disappointed.

Growing up in a foreign country, we were somehow keeping our traditions, but getting to know the jewish culture is something completely different. How can such a developped high-tech nation live up to traditions, that are thousand of years old? This is something I experienced, when my roommates took me to their family. Did I enjoy spending the whole evening in a foreign family talking all the time a langauge I (still, shame on me) don’t understand? Kamuvan!

I am not the type of person for games and gambling, but when it comes to participating into something and having fun, I am the first one to jump up from my seat. So the game was on, and the reading of the story started. You cannot imagine how fast people are able to read, when they are hungry and want to make the story pass quick. The reading of the story implied a very funny drinking game. You drink wine with your left hand, then with the right one, and then you need to wash your hands. They even make you say things in hebrew.

But you are hungry and slowly feel that you should have eaten something before (I did a special pre seder training, to be able to eat like there is no tomorrow), because the wine game goes on, and they start to put all the food into the wine and make you eat it. By food I mean the traditional ingredients that were taken by the Israelis on their way back home. This matzah bread substitute, parsil, salad, meat, and eggs. Since they were not able to take bread with them, also throughout the whole week, nobody is allowed to eat bread.

As a glutenfree person, I don’t need to explain to you, that Pesach is definitely one of my favorite holidays. And then arrives the awaited moment, you are allowed to eat. The best feeling ever! And since you are a guest and don’t want to be rude, you have to try everything. This is what I did, and 4 plates of fish, meat, vegetables, salads, and all kind of antipasti later, you are paralized, unable to move, which is desired.

Because now the story goes on! I would expect the speed to slow down, after all this food (I can barely see), but it even speedens up! It’s the quickest Pesach rap I have ever heard. And while the youngsters are reading, the women take this moment to perform an incredible logistic food transfer. The food gets packed in boxes and distributed among the family members. Even before the story is over, the table is empty and clean, and we ready for dessert. I am impressed!

When we get home, I literaly pass out. I fall into a deep peaceful sleep, where I stay for 10 (!?) hours without contact with reality. Amazing! You are nourrished, well rested, and you can start into the Pesach holiday. I know that I am repeating myself, but these people are just genius.

I think the only time I felt this kind of complete fulfillment and contentment, was back in the womb, before I came into this world. And isn’t this what makes us do all the things we do in life? The attempt to create security and satisfaction? Especially these days in Israel make me feel this, after Pesach came the Holocaust Remembrance Day as well as the Memorial Day for the fallen soldiers of Israel and Victims of Terrorism. And so each country has its own trauma to deal with.

Having lived many years in Germany, the trauma there is definitely guilt. They feel so guilty, that they even aren’t allowed to have an opinion. Can you imagine that until the recent football championships it was even unimaginable to say, that you are proud to be a German? Fortunately this changed, cause there are many things to be proud of. Although this lack of national identity makes them pay a high price at the moment. And this is exactly how they deal with their trauma, trying to buy their way out of it.

In Poland the trauma is shame. Polish people are very proud of their history and it is very painful to them, that Poland lost all of its power in Europe and was during the last century not more than a playground for Germany and Russia. There is a huge lack of self-esteem and a constant feeling of inferiority. Maybe therefore the leaders of this country still did not start to build a system of their own, but constantly blame others and refuse to be self-responsible.

The trauma I see here is a constant threat, and how it affects the people. How much they are yearning for a secure and affordable life. How high they build their emotional walls, so nobody could climb them. But also how much they enjoy every moment, don’t bother themselves with tomorrow, and how much they release their creative potential and build new worlds of their own. This is something that impresses me deeply, and I enjoy it very much to spend this year in such an exceptional sourroundings.

In any way, lack has a negative impact on most of the people. For some, it is an opportunity to grow. Which kind of person are you? Giving up my secure life in Germany and going back to Poland already confronted me with fears. Now that I also sacrified my financial security, I am surprised how little this bothers me. My biggest lack? Connection. My inability to connect to people on a deeper level. A profound fear of emotional closeness. And it seems that this happens to be the ideal place to deal with my personal trauma. A community which is based on connection and amazing food.

When you experience something really traumatic, it will take some time to be able to talk about it. And I am not talking about the Purim Madness, before I left for Poland.

Going back to pick up my cat was somehow final. And I really didn’t feel like leaving TLV. Not only because of the 0 degrees awaiting me (everybody was telling me how lucky I was after weeks of -15!!), but mainly because the whole cat story has been a lot of pain in the ass throughout the whole time.

Moreover, I felt so comfortable and home here already, that I really needed to convince myself to do it. The benefits were obvious, seeing family and friends, and dispite the cat, getting everything that I desperately needed. So there was a lot of shopping going on and I needed to get more black into my wardrobe not to look like a tourist douchbag anymore.

Seeing Cookie again after our longest separation ever since was great. She approached me me immediately, sniffing on me, and I saw how great she was doing with her two step moms. Thanks again! Words can really not describe how thankful I am for your help. This was one of the many things that made my trip possible. People taking care of my cat, because I was not able to take her with me in the first place.

After we went to the vet and completed the documentation, I was quite relaxed, but somehow I felt that this couldn’t have been the end in the cat story. Actually, I wanted to send the docs already on Sunday to the airport in TLV. But I didn’t, especially because my parents were there, and I didn’t want to ruin the weekend. It’s horrible when you can feel things coming.

So I did it on Monday, 48 hours before the flight. The immediate answer was that they cannot approve our arrival. I need to ship her as cargo with an airway bill. The documentation procedure was describing the shipment in the cabin, I bought a ticket for her as requested. Now they wanted something completely different.

I called LOT, they told me they can change the ticket from cabin to the cargo hold, but they can’t do cargo. At this moment I was having coffee with a friend, and he will tell you I was not there. There was no such option as not going back to TLV with Cookie. This was the third attempt, I was ready to stay and do what it takes to get her there.

So I called my savior in TLV (that nice gentlemen who provided me with a phone and maaaany other things, after I lost mine) to call the airport and ask them what they exactly wanted. Which he immediately did, and I know how busy he is. This information was absolutely crucial in the further organization of the transport.

LOT gave me a contact for the cargo and the guy was immediately checking with Warsaw my documentation, whether they will give their ok to do it in such a short time. They agreed, but he also told me that this will have its price. He also said that the 1700 PLN will include everything (keep that in mind). And since I knew that there is no other option to bring her there, and that there is nothing we can do about the price, I agreed. He prepared an airway bill and the airport confirmed our arrival at 4 pm.

So far so good. The next day we left early to do the custom clearance in Poznań one day in advance. We went back to the apartment and were waiting for the flight. At 3 am I handed my cat to the forwarder. Before entering the plane I asked whether my cat is on board, and the answer was of course and that she feels very comfortable there. Kamuvan I did not believe the second part, but being the cat daughter of a crazy gypsy she had to have a “hard ass”.

This was probably the longest felt flight I ever had. I was in TLV at 10:30 and started searching for the cargo terminal. They sent me to terminal 1 and then there was not even an information available how to find the cargo. So I called the cargo company and was able to find it after some 1km walk in the sun with my 30kg of luggage. When I arrived there at about 11:30, the vet hadn’t even seen my cat. The cargo guy asked me why I didn’t contact the vet and that they weren’t informed according to their standard procedure, so they didn’t do anything about it. Seriously? The arrival date was set, it was the Polish cargo company who sent the papers, I wasn’t even involved. Then he told me that I will pay 600 for the escort of my cat from the plane to the warehouse. Welcome to Israel!

The vet showed up after 15 min and asked me to come pick up the certificate “in the next building, on the first floor”. Of course there was no next building, only a warehouse and of course nobody knew where the vet was to find. So after some further walking hence and forth, I returned to the company and asked for assistance. It took us a while to find him. But I had the certificate, I paid the 600, although the guy in Poland told me the price was final (remember?), and only needed to do the custom clearance.

The moment I arrived there, the customs closed for that day!! Are you fucking kidding me!? No more customs after 1 pm? At the airport? This must have been some kind of joke. We even went to another customs point, where they simply didn’t want to do it. Meanwhile it was 2 pm, my cat already locked for 10 hours in her travel box without water, food, and a toilet. Don’t need to mention that I was solidary that day.

The cargo company then told me that they tried everything possible, that customs don’t want to coorporate with them, and that the only possibility to do the custom clearance is via an agent. So I went to the agent, spent there 1 more hour, and paid 600 more. I had reached a point of complete resignation, I didn’t even have the energy to become dramatic. I just wanted this nightmare to find its end, get my cat, and finally go home.

Then I was suppossed to go to the customer support to get her. There I was told that I actually should pay 160 more for the storage of my cat in the warehouse. Seriously!? But since they knew that almost everything went wrong that day, meaning that I have already been fucked really hard all day long, I didn’t have to. Wow, kindness in this bureaucracy madness.

At 4 pm that day I was able to demand my cat at the warehouse. I was here to get my khatoola. The moment she was brought to me, she yelled at me. We were 12 hours apart, but this was probably one of the hardest days for me. Was it worth it? Absolutely! Would I do it again? Probably I would recommend her to meet some nice Israeli khatool and stay here or swim back home. 😉

Seems like my download is still pending. At least this is how it feels when there are two days left till the end of the month and you are still searching for a place to stay, waiting for the job interviews, and the only thing for sure is that Purim is going to start on Wednesday and chances are very small, that anything will go after that.

What is Purim? It is one of the craziest times of the year, when people get dressed up and party for ALAP (as long as possible). The city will turn into a jungle and people from all over the world will come to join this event. And me lucky one is here and I have none of my costumes with me. Why did nobody inform me? WTF!? This is really killing me. Until today I was not really creative, since the thought of being homeless was kind of blocking my energy flow.

Until now, I have made up three costumes. The first one is a sia dancer with a pink wig, a nude body, and leggings. For the parade I wanna go as a hippie, gypsy would have been even more authentic, but I have this amazing white lace dress that needs to be shown. And then there is something big coming up. My friend gave me this silver body and it is so smoking hot, that I NEED to make a costume out of it. So watch out for a big assed Kim walking down the streets of TLV. 😎

I just love this mentality. Work hard, party hard. This is exactly my way of living. Although not working at the moment (second month just passed ✌🏼), the last weekend was a big balagan and somehow brought be back to life. Full of bad decisions and even worse actions (how did I manage to leave my phone on the toilet in the club and was not able to find it again??), but still full of joy and happiness. It’s all about the people. And there is worse than losing a phone. Losing a leg for instance or someone you love. And there are golden angels bringing back your phone in TLV, and even BIGGER ones bringing you a new one. I really cannot complain. 😏

But how is it actually like when you stop doing all the things that you are doing and start being who you are? Breaking the routine and allowing yourself to be you is a great experience. I feel that I am different every day and so is every day here a different one. The more you open up and accept things, the better it gets. And I enjoy this open-minded and non-jugdemental environment so much, that I cannot imagine anything else anymore in my life. And when you find this place in your life, you just know that everything will turn out well, it just needs time, and you have to do it step by step.

So this is actually what I am doing, taking every day by day, taking the time for myself, and enjoying having these amazing people around. I know that I am repeating myself, but this culture is so extraordinary, and I feel so much at home here. Nobody pays me for this, I am not an Israel promoter, and I don’t even know, whether I will be able to stay here, but this place is bringing me so close to being who I really am, that I just can spread my love and appreciation for this country.

How is this month going to end for me? I have no idea. And this is the best part. Not knowing gives you opportunities, it gives you the magic of “anything could happen”, and this is the best feeling in the world. When anything is possible and it’s up to you to make it happen. I found an apartment yesterday, and guess what, it is close to my place now, close to Carmel market, there is a cat loving couple, I just love the place, and the best thing about it, I will get it, because a very special person here believes in me and supports me. Love is all you need – TLV.