Israel is celebrating 70 years of founding of their state. After all the memorial days we are now having a great time. Especially me (wait for it).

I just cannot wait to get into the crowds of dancing people. Especially because I love street parties. Ok, I love all kinds of parties, but open air is top. So my first station is the independence street party in the Carmel Market, next to my place.

A guy who looks like Jesus takes a video of an Israeli version of the red hot chili peppers. All I can see is curly long hair everywhere! Awesome!

Then I pass on to the hip hop stage, where I meet a hip hop DJ friend. I didn’t make it to any of his gigs, so it’s really cool to see him in action.

Finally, I go to Rothschild 55 where I lived during my first month in Tel-Aviv and meet friends. On my way there I pass a place, where my night is about to finish. At Rothschild I am at least supposed to meet friends. They are coming from Herzeliya (remember the city where I woke up on Purim?) and it takes aaaaaages.

After 30 minutes of waiting we all there and go to Guy’s party. It’s great to see everybody again, party with the Brazilian girls, and hang out with a cool beard. What I did not realize is, that I run out of INTERNET this night!!! So when my friends leave to go to Sputnik, I have no idea, that I will never see them again (at least this night). And also that they never went to Sputnik.

Me and the beard go to Sputnik after a while, just to realize that nobody is there. During that night about 10 people text me to join me, but nobody calls me. Arghhhh!!! I am isolated from my community and spend the night dancing in the streets. Which was quite cool actually.

Then I reach the point, where I start getting tired and what becomes more relevant hungry. So I head to this place in Allenby where I was seeing crowds workdays and I order kebab. People who know me from Berlin, know about my past as kebab queen. But here a new kebab story is about to be written.

Since I am glutenfree and cannot take the pita, and obviously I must look very hungry, they give me 6 kebab on a fucking kebab plate. Jesus! How should I eat this?! I really try to share my food, but nobody wants to help me. So I end up eating 6 kebab by myself and meeting a nice guy bye doing so.

We end up at the place I was passing, when going to Rothschild and I party on with all the happy kebabs in my belly. This is actually where my first night ends. I go to sleep.

The next day, my friend told me to be at 10:45 at the beach to see the flight show. Wow, this is more challenging than expected. So I fall out of bed, wash myself, but on jeans shorts, a shirt, flipflops, and sunglasses. So I actually leave like God created me.

On the beach, the guy from the kebab texts me and invites me to come to a hotel tower with a nice view. Kamuvan I expect him to be there with friends. Nope. It’s his whole family, friends, business partners. And then there is hangover unstyled me. This is a lesson to everyone!!! You can never overdress. Honestly, can you imagine how I feel?

Ok, to be honest, after the second cocktail I don’t care anymore. I watch this anniversary show with an amazing view, and am actually sad to leave to go on to the next bbq. The third cocktail kicks in, when I go to the bbq at our place. Ufffff…

After all kinds of grilled vegetables, meat (OMG they would put anything on the grill, liver, chicken hearts, no limits to your imagination), and after 2 or maybe three more vodka russian, I am drunk as fuck and head for my final destination: rooftop party at Rothschild. Let’s get loud!

This eve is more a dream sequence to me. I meet so many people I know and like, and I guess I am super loud and annoying. But only until I get the hoola hoop. Oh dear!

When you hoola hoop and it’s on video, I guess this is the point where you definitely lost control of your second independence day.

This night becomes the worst hangover night in the history of day drinking. Because it is just 11 pm when my drinking capacity crashes completely. It’s like an operation without fucking narcosis!! I am awake and can feel everything, I am dying, all night long.

Is this the end? Will I end up remembering my first independence day in Israel like this? Kamuvan ve lo. On Friday, I have lessons. I really do it. I talk to people after my near death experience. And then in the evening, the nice guy from the kebab takes me to the north. There is air, and nature, and the urgently needed detox for my body. I even eat this jemenish shabbat breakfast and don’t feel bad (since what is gluten, when you almost died?).

And what about the nice guy? He left for Bulgaria and I never saw him again.*

*This is not the true story, but it actually ends at this point.

What have I learned? I am about to make kebab great again, and kebab me as well (or at least parts of me), and you should not meet guys when you hungry! Also day drinking is for advanced users.

How exciting! My first seder was to come. My roommates were taking me to a traditional Pesach seder. I was warned that it would take hours to read the whole story of the liberation of the Israeli people from Egypt slavery, and that there will be a lot of interaction involved. I should not get disappointed.

Growing up in a foreign country, we were somehow keeping our traditions, but getting to know the jewish culture is something completely different. How can such a developped high-tech nation live up to traditions, that are thousand of years old? This is something I experienced, when my roommates took me to their family. Did I enjoy spending the whole evening in a foreign family talking all the time a langauge I (still, shame on me) don’t understand? Kamuvan!

I am not the type of person for games and gambling, but when it comes to participating into something and having fun, I am the first one to jump up from my seat. So the game was on, and the reading of the story started. You cannot imagine how fast people are able to read, when they are hungry and want to make the story pass quick. The reading of the story implied a very funny drinking game. You drink wine with your left hand, then with the right one, and then you need to wash your hands. They even make you say things in hebrew.

But you are hungry and slowly feel that you should have eaten something before (I did a special pre seder training, to be able to eat like there is no tomorrow), because the wine game goes on, and they start to put all the food into the wine and make you eat it. By food I mean the traditional ingredients that were taken by the Israelis on their way back home. This matzah bread substitute, parsil, salad, meat, and eggs. Since they were not able to take bread with them, also throughout the whole week, nobody is allowed to eat bread.

As a glutenfree person, I don’t need to explain to you, that Pesach is definitely one of my favorite holidays. And then arrives the awaited moment, you are allowed to eat. The best feeling ever! And since you are a guest and don’t want to be rude, you have to try everything. This is what I did, and 4 plates of fish, meat, vegetables, salads, and all kind of antipasti later, you are paralized, unable to move, which is desired.

Because now the story goes on! I would expect the speed to slow down, after all this food (I can barely see), but it even speedens up! It’s the quickest Pesach rap I have ever heard. And while the youngsters are reading, the women take this moment to perform an incredible logistic food transfer. The food gets packed in boxes and distributed among the family members. Even before the story is over, the table is empty and clean, and we ready for dessert. I am impressed!

When we get home, I literaly pass out. I fall into a deep peaceful sleep, where I stay for 10 (!?) hours without contact with reality. Amazing! You are nourrished, well rested, and you can start into the Pesach holiday. I know that I am repeating myself, but these people are just genius.

I think the only time I felt this kind of complete fulfillment and contentment, was back in the womb, before I came into this world. And isn’t this what makes us do all the things we do in life? The attempt to create security and satisfaction? Especially these days in Israel make me feel this, after Pesach came the Holocaust Remembrance Day as well as the Memorial Day for the fallen soldiers of Israel and Victims of Terrorism. And so each country has its own trauma to deal with.

Having lived many years in Germany, the trauma there is definitely guilt. They feel so guilty, that they even aren’t allowed to have an opinion. Can you imagine that until the recent football championships it was even unimaginable to say, that you are proud to be a German? Fortunately this changed, cause there are many things to be proud of. Although this lack of national identity makes them pay a high price at the moment. And this is exactly how they deal with their trauma, trying to buy their way out of it.

In Poland the trauma is shame. Polish people are very proud of their history and it is very painful to them, that Poland lost all of its power in Europe and was during the last century not more than a playground for Germany and Russia. There is a huge lack of self-esteem and a constant feeling of inferiority. Maybe therefore the leaders of this country still did not start to build a system of their own, but constantly blame others and refuse to be self-responsible.

The trauma I see here is a constant threat, and how it affects the people. How much they are yearning for a secure and affordable life. How high they build their emotional walls, so nobody could climb them. But also how much they enjoy every moment, don’t bother themselves with tomorrow, and how much they release their creative potential and build new worlds of their own. This is something that impresses me deeply, and I enjoy it very much to spend this year in such an exceptional sourroundings.

In any way, lack has a negative impact on most of the people. For some, it is an opportunity to grow. Which kind of person are you? Giving up my secure life in Germany and going back to Poland already confronted me with fears. Now that I also sacrified my financial security, I am surprised how little this bothers me. My biggest lack? Connection. My inability to connect to people on a deeper level. A profound fear of emotional closeness. And it seems that this happens to be the ideal place to deal with my personal trauma. A community which is based on connection and amazing food.

When you experience something really traumatic, it will take some time to be able to talk about it. And I am not talking about the Purim Madness, before I left for Poland.

Going back to pick up my cat was somehow final. And I really didn’t feel like leaving TLV. Not only because of the 0 degrees awaiting me (everybody was telling me how lucky I was after weeks of -15!!), but mainly because the whole cat story has been a lot of pain in the ass throughout the whole time.

Moreover, I felt so comfortable and home here already, that I really needed to convince myself to do it. The benefits were obvious, seeing family and friends, and dispite the cat, getting everything that I desperately needed. So there was a lot of shopping going on and I needed to get more black into my wardrobe not to look like a tourist douchbag anymore.

Seeing Cookie again after our longest separation ever since was great. She approached me me immediately, sniffing on me, and I saw how great she was doing with her two step moms. Thanks again! Words can really not describe how thankful I am for your help. This was one of the many things that made my trip possible. People taking care of my cat, because I was not able to take her with me in the first place.

After we went to the vet and completed the documentation, I was quite relaxed, but somehow I felt that this couldn’t have been the end in the cat story. Actually, I wanted to send the docs already on Sunday to the airport in TLV. But I didn’t, especially because my parents were there, and I didn’t want to ruin the weekend. It’s horrible when you can feel things coming.

So I did it on Monday, 48 hours before the flight. The immediate answer was that they cannot approve our arrival. I need to ship her as cargo with an airway bill. The documentation procedure was describing the shipment in the cabin, I bought a ticket for her as requested. Now they wanted something completely different.

I called LOT, they told me they can change the ticket from cabin to the cargo hold, but they can’t do cargo. At this moment I was having coffee with a friend, and he will tell you I was not there. There was no such option as not going back to TLV with Cookie. This was the third attempt, I was ready to stay and do what it takes to get her there.

So I called my savior in TLV (that nice gentlemen who provided me with a phone and maaaany other things, after I lost mine) to call the airport and ask them what they exactly wanted. Which he immediately did, and I know how busy he is. This information was absolutely crucial in the further organization of the transport.

LOT gave me a contact for the cargo and the guy was immediately checking with Warsaw my documentation, whether they will give their ok to do it in such a short time. They agreed, but he also told me that this will have its price. He also said that the 1700 PLN will include everything (keep that in mind). And since I knew that there is no other option to bring her there, and that there is nothing we can do about the price, I agreed. He prepared an airway bill and the airport confirmed our arrival at 4 pm.

So far so good. The next day we left early to do the custom clearance in Poznań one day in advance. We went back to the apartment and were waiting for the flight. At 3 am I handed my cat to the forwarder. Before entering the plane I asked whether my cat is on board, and the answer was of course and that she feels very comfortable there. Kamuvan I did not believe the second part, but being the cat daughter of a crazy gypsy she had to have a “hard ass”.

This was probably the longest felt flight I ever had. I was in TLV at 10:30 and started searching for the cargo terminal. They sent me to terminal 1 and then there was not even an information available how to find the cargo. So I called the cargo company and was able to find it after some 1km walk in the sun with my 30kg of luggage. When I arrived there at about 11:30, the vet hadn’t even seen my cat. The cargo guy asked me why I didn’t contact the vet and that they weren’t informed according to their standard procedure, so they didn’t do anything about it. Seriously? The arrival date was set, it was the Polish cargo company who sent the papers, I wasn’t even involved. Then he told me that I will pay 600 for the escort of my cat from the plane to the warehouse. Welcome to Israel!

The vet showed up after 15 min and asked me to come pick up the certificate “in the next building, on the first floor”. Of course there was no next building, only a warehouse and of course nobody knew where the vet was to find. So after some further walking hence and forth, I returned to the company and asked for assistance. It took us a while to find him. But I had the certificate, I paid the 600, although the guy in Poland told me the price was final (remember?), and only needed to do the custom clearance.

The moment I arrived there, the customs closed for that day!! Are you fucking kidding me!? No more customs after 1 pm? At the airport? This must have been some kind of joke. We even went to another customs point, where they simply didn’t want to do it. Meanwhile it was 2 pm, my cat already locked for 10 hours in her travel box without water, food, and a toilet. Don’t need to mention that I was solidary that day.

The cargo company then told me that they tried everything possible, that customs don’t want to coorporate with them, and that the only possibility to do the custom clearance is via an agent. So I went to the agent, spent there 1 more hour, and paid 600 more. I had reached a point of complete resignation, I didn’t even have the energy to become dramatic. I just wanted this nightmare to find its end, get my cat, and finally go home.

Then I was suppossed to go to the customer support to get her. There I was told that I actually should pay 160 more for the storage of my cat in the warehouse. Seriously!? But since they knew that almost everything went wrong that day, meaning that I have already been fucked really hard all day long, I didn’t have to. Wow, kindness in this bureaucracy madness.

At 4 pm that day I was able to demand my cat at the warehouse. I was here to get my khatoola. The moment she was brought to me, she yelled at me. We were 12 hours apart, but this was probably one of the hardest days for me. Was it worth it? Absolutely! Would I do it again? Probably I would recommend her to meet some nice Israeli khatool and stay here or swim back home. 😉

Seems like my download is still pending. At least this is how it feels when there are two days left till the end of the month and you are still searching for a place to stay, waiting for the job interviews, and the only thing for sure is that Purim is going to start on Wednesday and chances are very small, that anything will go after that.

What is Purim? It is one of the craziest times of the year, when people get dressed up and party for ALAP (as long as possible). The city will turn into a jungle and people from all over the world will come to join this event. And me lucky one is here and I have none of my costumes with me. Why did nobody inform me? WTF!? This is really killing me. Until today I was not really creative, since the thought of being homeless was kind of blocking my energy flow.

Until now, I have made up three costumes. The first one is a sia dancer with a pink wig, a nude body, and leggings. For the parade I wanna go as a hippie, gypsy would have been even more authentic, but I have this amazing white lace dress that needs to be shown. And then there is something big coming up. My friend gave me this silver body and it is so smoking hot, that I NEED to make a costume out of it. So watch out for a big assed Kim walking down the streets of TLV. 😎

I just love this mentality. Work hard, party hard. This is exactly my way of living. Although not working at the moment (second month just passed ✌🏼), the last weekend was a big balagan and somehow brought be back to life. Full of bad decisions and even worse actions (how did I manage to leave my phone on the toilet in the club and was not able to find it again??), but still full of joy and happiness. It’s all about the people. And there is worse than losing a phone. Losing a leg for instance or someone you love. And there are golden angels bringing back your phone in TLV, and even BIGGER ones bringing you a new one. I really cannot complain. 😏

But how is it actually like when you stop doing all the things that you are doing and start being who you are? Breaking the routine and allowing yourself to be you is a great experience. I feel that I am different every day and so is every day here a different one. The more you open up and accept things, the better it gets. And I enjoy this open-minded and non-jugdemental environment so much, that I cannot imagine anything else anymore in my life. And when you find this place in your life, you just know that everything will turn out well, it just needs time, and you have to do it step by step.

So this is actually what I am doing, taking every day by day, taking the time for myself, and enjoying having these amazing people around. I know that I am repeating myself, but this culture is so extraordinary, and I feel so much at home here. Nobody pays me for this, I am not an Israel promoter, and I don’t even know, whether I will be able to stay here, but this place is bringing me so close to being who I really am, that I just can spread my love and appreciation for this country.

How is this month going to end for me? I have no idea. And this is the best part. Not knowing gives you opportunities, it gives you the magic of “anything could happen”, and this is the best feeling in the world. When anything is possible and it’s up to you to make it happen. I found an apartment yesterday, and guess what, it is close to my place now, close to Carmel market, there is a cat loving couple, I just love the place, and the best thing about it, I will get it, because a very special person here believes in me and supports me. Love is all you need – TLV.

Now it’s almost one month back in Tel-Aviv and time seems to be flying. And then you realize maybe it’s time to leave your holiday mode and face it. If you really want to stay here and make it, you should slowly think about start doing something.

Thing is, I don’t feel like doing anything but taking care of myself. All these years taking responsibility for others brought me to a point, where I need a break in order to get back my energy and motivation. I enjoy every day I don’t have to get up in the morning, do my yoga, have breakfast for one hour, take time to figure out what I feel like doing today. I just love that. Thing is also, that it is not that easy to find a job, especially when you are not doing Aliyah or are planning to marry a Jew. But the biggest thing about all that is, that I still don’t have a clue what I would actually like to do.

There are different options and obviously I would choose the one that promises to be most fun. But being here as a tourist with no working visa makes things a little complicated. Going back to an office job would be safest thing to do, especially because of the legal aspect, but this is the thing I want to do least. At least at this moment. So the only option to be taken into account is to do something that is not taken as working in Israel.

And I don’t mean to become the wife of an orthodox Jew! I heard they are working a lot to comfort their husbands. I was really amazed when I heard, that these men are not working and the wifes are managing everything. Actually like in any other country, except from Germany, where the men are doing the housework and get very upset, if they are not treated equally as their women.

But let’s move on to a more interesting topic. Dating in Tel-Aviv. I got a very good tip: don’t! Or at least pick an immigrant. You hear stories and make experiences and I definitely can confirm that Israeli men are big boys (Peter Pans) not willing to take any responsibility for their actions, but they even say worse things about the Israellas. For me the girls are stunning, but all men here keep on complaining about the Israeli women. Valentine’s day was a day full of drama, heartache, and breakups. Somehow it seems that the insecure situation in this country is especially mirrowed in the dating rules applying.

And then you are here alone, European, pale as hell and it seems you have this “hit on me” banner on your forehead. I am not going to be the angry German woman, complaining that men would even look at her. Since I moved to Poland my approach towards men changed completely, I even appreciate that. And Israeli men would just talk to you in their openness. Of course they will try to get you there, most of them do. You learn the 50 shades of NO. That’s it. And I have to tell you that the weather also promotes certain aspects of human nature. So basically it’s a hit and run game among very hot but also quite immature people. But isn’t this the sickness of every big city?

So maybe it’s just about getting to know the right kind of people, those that will fit your vibe. Just after my return from Haifa last week, I went to the Carmel Market looking for some alternative amd spiritual inspiration and instantly found this henna artist. If this is not synchronicity! I will not only get a henna tattoo, but also take lessons. Yippie! You have no idea how happy I was. Then I visited a friend who came just back from his Thailand holiday and after doing courses there, did some amazing cooking for us. Incredibly tasty! I was rolling back home, to get ready for the balagan.

Cause that night was my actual “welcome back party” since my favorite club had its 5th birthday. There are places on earth, where you are perfectly in line with yourself, the world, and even the whole fucking universe. I call these places church. I just love the people, the music, and the incredible vibe in this place. Being back there assured me, that it was the absolute right decision to come back. And of course it’s not as much about the place as such, but what it does to you, the access it gives you to certain parts of yourself.

And then it comes back to you, what you would really like to do. To leave the known path and do something that really makes you happy. And I feel that it’s not as much about what you are doing, but who you are working with. And whether company can stand above your independance. And whether your intellect will let you do what your heart is longing for.

It’s so not easy to be me. There is too much I like, too much I am interested in. Too many sides of my personality looking for attention and fulfillment. And I chose this city to put all those pieces back together and to build something that will make me happy. In love with Tel-Aviv.