How exciting! My first seder was to come. My roommates were taking me to a traditional Pesach seder. I was warned that it would take hours to read the whole story of the liberation of the Israeli people from Egypt slavery, and that there will be a lot of interaction involved. I should not get disappointed.
Growing up in a foreign country, we were somehow keeping our traditions, but getting to know the jewish culture is something completely different. How can such a developped high-tech nation live up to traditions, that are thousand of years old? This is something I experienced, when my roommates took me to their family. Did I enjoy spending the whole evening in a foreign family talking all the time a langauge I (still, shame on me) don’t understand? Kamuvan!
I am not the type of person for games and gambling, but when it comes to participating into something and having fun, I am the first one to jump up from my seat. So the game was on, and the reading of the story started. You cannot imagine how fast people are able to read, when they are hungry and want to make the story pass quick. The reading of the story implied a very funny drinking game. You drink wine with your left hand, then with the right one, and then you need to wash your hands. They even make you say things in hebrew.
But you are hungry and slowly feel that you should have eaten something before (I did a special pre seder training, to be able to eat like there is no tomorrow), because the wine game goes on, and they start to put all the food into the wine and make you eat it. By food I mean the traditional ingredients that were taken by the Israelis on their way back home. This matzah bread substitute, parsil, salad, meat, and eggs. Since they were not able to take bread with them, also throughout the whole week, nobody is allowed to eat bread.
As a glutenfree person, I don’t need to explain to you, that Pesach is definitely one of my favorite holidays. And then arrives the awaited moment, you are allowed to eat. The best feeling ever! And since you are a guest and don’t want to be rude, you have to try everything. This is what I did, and 4 plates of fish, meat, vegetables, salads, and all kind of antipasti later, you are paralized, unable to move, which is desired.
Because now the story goes on! I would expect the speed to slow down, after all this food (I can barely see), but it even speedens up! It’s the quickest Pesach rap I have ever heard. And while the youngsters are reading, the women take this moment to perform an incredible logistic food transfer. The food gets packed in boxes and distributed among the family members. Even before the story is over, the table is empty and clean, and we ready for dessert. I am impressed!
When we get home, I literaly pass out. I fall into a deep peaceful sleep, where I stay for 10 (!?) hours without contact with reality. Amazing! You are nourrished, well rested, and you can start into the Pesach holiday. I know that I am repeating myself, but these people are just genius.
I think the only time I felt this kind of complete fulfillment and contentment, was back in the womb, before I came into this world. And isn’t this what makes us do all the things we do in life? The attempt to create security and satisfaction? Especially these days in Israel make me feel this, after Pesach came the Holocaust Remembrance Day as well as the Memorial Day for the fallen soldiers of Israel and Victims of Terrorism. And so each country has its own trauma to deal with.
Having lived many years in Germany, the trauma there is definitely guilt. They feel so guilty, that they even aren’t allowed to have an opinion. Can you imagine that until the recent football championships it was even unimaginable to say, that you are proud to be a German? Fortunately this changed, cause there are many things to be proud of. Although this lack of national identity makes them pay a high price at the moment. And this is exactly how they deal with their trauma, trying to buy their way out of it.
In Poland the trauma is shame. Polish people are very proud of their history and it is very painful to them, that Poland lost all of its power in Europe and was during the last century not more than a playground for Germany and Russia. There is a huge lack of self-esteem and a constant feeling of inferiority. Maybe therefore the leaders of this country still did not start to build a system of their own, but constantly blame others and refuse to be self-responsible.
The trauma I see here is a constant threat, and how it affects the people. How much they are yearning for a secure and affordable life. How high they build their emotional walls, so nobody could climb them. But also how much they enjoy every moment, don’t bother themselves with tomorrow, and how much they release their creative potential and build new worlds of their own. This is something that impresses me deeply, and I enjoy it very much to spend this year in such an exceptional sourroundings.
In any way, lack has a negative impact on most of the people. For some, it is an opportunity to grow. Which kind of person are you? Giving up my secure life in Germany and going back to Poland already confronted me with fears. Now that I also sacrified my financial security, I am surprised how little this bothers me. My biggest lack? Connection. My inability to connect to people on a deeper level. A profound fear of emotional closeness. And it seems that this happens to be the ideal place to deal with my personal trauma. A community which is based on connection and amazing food.
my beatitude 
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