Stormy weather

It’s easy to take bold decisions when the sun is shining, everybody is happy and healthy, and you just discovered for yourself the promised land. This is what happened last September, when I fulfilled my biggest dream to go to Israel and ended my journey with a visit in Jerusalem.

Already going there was highly emotional for me, standing at the Western Wall and putting my piece of paper with my wish on it into it, I was crying like a baby. It was a crying of relief. I knew that God will make my wish come true and that everything will be different from that point on. But I also also knew that I needed to come back for him to make it true.

So after my return to Poland everything was quite clear. I was to do the needed medical examinations proving that I am healthy enough to leave for Israel, quit my job, move out of my apartment, store my stuff, and sell my car. This sounded like an awesome plan.

Suddenly you see how many people are in favour of your happiness and ready to support you. Regardless of their loss, they just want you to be happy. Stick to those! The first thing I did was to check whether and under which conditions I could take my cat with me. Then I made up with friends who would take what of my stuff to store it for the next year.

Preparing my medical examinations already got me into trouble. I got some wrong medication and fell sick, everthing had to wait and got postponed. With time the pressure got so big that all my life was only focused on these two examinations. Which fortunately did not bring any negative results.

So I quit my job, sold my car, moved out of my apartment, just to learn that Israel changed its import law for animals last august and that we did not only had to prepare a huge medical documentation for my cat, but also needed to ask the Israeli Ministery for allowance to import my cat.

This was actually one of the worst moments for me. I remember that I was at the office and went to the toilette to cry. Because if I could not take her with me at all, my dream of going back to Israel ended at this point. Fortunately, I had friends who kept telling me that we are going to find a way, that she will be able to go with me. Also meaning that my arrival date was postponed from the beginning to the end of January.

And here you start questioning your amibitions. Why is there so much in my way? Where do all these obstacles come from? This is all part of the process, it’s not just saying yes when everything is agreeable, it’s also about go on when the weather changes, when the storm becomes very strong. Of course you cannot do this on your own, of course you need help from family and friends. They lead you out of the storm, when you already lost sight.

And then comes the most difficult part. After the storm has passed, you get confronted with the storm inside yourself. All the hidden thougts and assumptions holding you back from doing what is best for you. This was the moment that I realized that I cannot start something new, without reconciliating with my family history and my past. The emotional burden was so heavy, that I fell sick again.

This time it was worse, meaning that I spent weeks in pain, preparing my departure, still not knowing whether I would go at all. This was the case until the day of my departure and I realized how much it was about ME taking care of myself, loving and appreciating everything that is, and let go of everything that was not part of me.

So actually there was a big journey before I could start my journey to Israel. And throughout all that time I didn’t even question once my feeling that I need to go back there. The day I arrived in Israel the weather changed and a storm came up.